Setbacks have a way of making us shrink into comfort zones that seem safe but are, in reality, prisons of fear. I know this because I lived it.

When I first entered the workforce, I was ambitious, driven, and highly competent. My discipline and resilience set me apart, yet I constantly found myself being overshadowed by men who were neither as dedicated nor as consistent as I was. My ideas were dismissed, my work was undermined, and despite my best efforts, I was never treated as an equal. The constant pushovers, the subtle exclusions, and the ever-present reminder that I had to work twice as hard for half the recognition started eating away at my confidence.

At first, I fought back. I worked harder, stayed later, spoke up louder. But over time, the struggle wore me down. The feeling of not being enough despite giving my all made me retreat into a shell. I stopped pushing for promotions, stopped challenging the biases, and settled into a comfort zone of mediocrity—one that numbed my pain but never erased it.

I have many such incidents but if I share them on open forum might offend a lot and now after so many years its no use digging up graves. The commonality in all those incidents were when I tried to speak up, I was dismissed with a patronizing pat on the back and a vague promise that “next time” my efforts would be recognized. That “next time” never came.

It wasn’t just the workplace. The conditioning was everywhere. Friends and family subtly advised me to accept things as they were, saying, “This is just how the world works for women.” The frustration, the helplessness, and the exhaustion of constantly proving myself started affecting my mental peace. I found solace in routine, in not trying too hard, in doing just enough to get by.

And then, life took an unexpected turn. I had a new neighborhood, a woman twenty years my senior, became my unexpected guide. She had lived through her own battles—ones I could barely imagine—and had emerged stronger. Our casual conversations turned into deep discussions about life, passion, and self-worth.

One evening, as we sat sipping coffee on her balcony, she asked me a simple yet powerful question:

“What did you love doing before the world told you what you should be?”

The question hit me hard. I had let go of my dreams, my hobbies, and my passion in the pursuit of proving myself. I had forgotten what truly made me happy. With her encouragement, I started exploring again. I picked up my long-forgotten love for painting, joined a book club, and started journaling. I even started walking in the mornings, feeling the fresh air against my skin, reminding me that I was alive, that I still had the power to choose.

She made me realize that my comfort zone was not protecting me—it was suffocating me.

“Settling may seem like an escape from pain, but it only prolongs it,” she said. “Real freedom comes from stepping out of it.”

As I reconnected with myself, I also started standing up for myself again at work. I stopped seeking validation and started valuing my own voice. I learned to say no, to set boundaries, to demand credit where it was due. It wasn’t easy—there were days I doubted myself, days I wanted to go back to the safety of my shell—but every time I looked back at how far I had come, I knew I couldn’t stop now.

I feel we all face somewhere or other these aspects where we feel being pushed aside, undervalued, or made to shrink—don’t settle. Find your passion, find your voice, and most importantly, find the love that truly deserves you.

Because the moment you choose yourself, the world starts choosing you too.