What we react to is often the symptom, not the cause; to truly understand someone, we must look beyond their words to their struggles. Most of us feel that proving our point is more important than giving someone that benefit of doubt. And the funniest part is this someone is usually not some unknown person, he/she is the person without whom we can’t imagine our life’s, and we love to our core.

Here are some common scenario’s which are relatable:

1. The man cancels a dinner date last minute, and the woman feels rejected. She accuses him of not caring about the relationship, while in reality, he was overwhelmed with work stress but didn’t want to burden her with it.
2. During their time together, the male frequently scrolls through social media. There is an argument because the woman feels unwanted and ignored. The man hasn’t told her that, in actuality, he uses social media as a way to escape his career-related worry.
3. After a difficult day at work, the man emotionally withdraws, making the woman feel alone and unloved. The man feels unworthy of her and doesn’t want to burden her with his mistakes, but she lashes out at him for being frigid.
4. When the male ignores her texts for the entire day, the lady becomes agitated. He is accused of ignoring her by him. The man is annoyed because he’s having personal problems, but he was afraid of coming seen as weak if he vented to her.
5. When the male forgets an important date, the woman treats him silently or irrationally. He feels that she is exaggerating and is bewildered and furious. She doesn’t want to admit that she feels unimportant and uncomfortable because she fears being ignored.
6. When the woman mentions spending money on a vacation, the man becomes agitated. His response is severe, and they dispute about money. He worries about money but is ashamed to admit it, and she suggests the vacation because she is feeling emotionally distant, but neither of them discloses this information.
7. The woman is offended because she believes the man is trying to avoid spending time with her by spending the weekend with his pals. They quarrel about priorities, but neither of them acknowledges their true anxieties—he feels overburdened and merely needs time to himself, while she fears being abandoned.

I can keep on writing scenario’s but the fact of the matter is “a fight is rarely about the thing being argued. It’s about the emotions left unspoken”. Its not about questioning  on that are we not in a relationship and we should break up or part ways as its getting tough, its not getting tough we are making it tough. Men and women are nomenclatured and wired differently which makes each one of us unique, so rather fighting against each other we should fight against our unspoken fears and frustrations.

I have found my own way of handling such scenarios, which might not hold true for all, but if someone in trouble can start with this:

1. Focus on “YOURSELF” rather just being clinged on the your “LACKS”
2. Law of universe is, what you think will keep coming to you till you shift your focus. So if your focus is on the lacks they will come to you, if your focus is on abundance it will come to you. Its always “Ask-Believe-Receive”

Some of you will surely feel its easier to give ‘gyan’ but difficult to do, I would say you are right. So like affirmations I deviced a way and I found some quotes on men and women and their reactions which mostly hold true and I read them for 3 minutes till my mind starts accepting it and my emotions start feeling the quotes. I will share some of them here:

“The best way to heal a relationship is to understand the unspoken fears behind your partner’s actions and to respond with empathy, not judgment.”

“A relationship is not about always being right, but about being willing to compromise and understand.”

“When a man becomes quiet, it is often his way of dealing with stress. Women misinterpret this silence as a sign that he doesn’t care about her.”

Relationships become more about understanding and less about assigning blame when we begin to focus on the “why.” Furthermore, knowing fosters connection, growth, and healing. Try to listen more intently the next time your relationship is going through a rough patch; you might just find a whole new level of intimacy.

“Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do.” – Men are from Mars, Women from Venus – John Gray